Chuck
by sinnerforhire
Summary: [Shattered Glass] Second in the Ani series. Lyrics are from "Outta Me Onto You." Slash.


It's my responsibility.  
  
You son of a bitch, look what you left me. I'm the one who gets to pick up all the pieces. You shredded us. You shredded our credibility, our reputation. You shredded Amy and Caitlyn and David and everybody who cared about you. And I get to try to pick up all the pieces and put all of it back together again. I shouldn't have to do that. It's not my mess. It's yours.  
  
You think it's okay, until it's not.  
  
You think it's okay because it's you, because somehow you're above us all. Don't try to pull that "I don't know what I'll do" crap on me. It might have worked before, but not now. I'm through with the games. I don't know why I played in the first place. I never knew the rules. That's not something I'll usually accept.  
  
I'll miss you when you're gone. Yeah, I'm gonna be torn.  
  
Why was I ever involved with you? Why did I ever fuck you? You held nothing for me. I'd say you were a quick fuck, but no fuck is ever quick. Not when you have to deal with the person afterwards. Everyday. It lasts as long as I see your face everyday and have to look into those eyes and not cry when I hurt you. Because damn you, damn me, I actually want to.  
  
What is it about you that makes everyone do that? How do you look like an overgrown five-year-old who's lost his mommy? You make us all feel sorry for you, and then you get whatever you want. You never grew up. Maybe everyone your age is like that. Listen to me, I sound like an old codger. Look what you've done to me.  
  
It's gonna be sudden. It's gonna be strange.  
  
I never knew exactly when I fell for you, exactly when I realized you had something she didn't. I'd never been with a man before, and I damn well never will be again. You've ruined men for me. You've ruined everything for me. Damn you. Damn you and those eyes that can melt anyone in your path.   
  
Just remember that I love you.  
  
I know you won't believe that. I know you don't love me, because you don't know how. You've never grown up enough to use the word. Maybe you have some hero-worship crush on me; maybe you're just attracted to power and want what I have. I don't know. I just know that, despite all practicality and common sense, I fucking love you, Stephen Glass. I'll be destroyed, I'll lose everything, because I actually fucking love you.   
  
It's all gonna come out. Outta me, onto you.  
  
Sooner or later they'll learn. Everyone will know what you did, all of it. You'll be played as the sad young martyr for a while, but then they'll find out the truth. They'll know what you really are. And then you'll understand why I did it, all of it. Even though I won't. I'll never know why I played along. I'll never know why I played so well that I didn't even know it was a game. I'll never know why I let myself forget that this was reality and not some adolescent fantasy. I wish I could take your way out and claim insanity, but I can't. I'm too grown-up for that. Grown-ups have to deal with consequences. You don't see why you should have to. You're too good for that. Or too bad. What the hell are you?  
  
Some people wear their heart on their sleeve.   
  
You wear yours right across your face, right in your eyes, so that everyone can see how much you hurt. It'll get you far, Stephen. It'll get you into every job and every bed you want to be in. It got you into Michael's, and God damn it, it got you into mine. How could I say no to someone who looked so incredibly desperate?  
  
No, no no no.  
  
No, no, no, no, no!  
  
Was that really so hard? Why didn't I just do that and save both of us the heartache? You'll never recover, and you shouldn't. But me...I don't really know what will happen to me. Maybe they'll find out, maybe they won't. Maybe she'll leave me; they'll leave me. Maybe she'll understand. Maybe I'll lie.  
  
No, no no no.  
  
I won't lie. I can't. I can't be like you. Trying to be you was what got me here in the first place. Trying to grab ahold of whatever made you so fucking special. I guess I was trying to fuck it out of you. Whatever it was, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth this.  
  
I'll miss you when you're gone.   
  
It's all gonna come out. Outta me, onto you. 


End file.
